Last updated 20 August 2026. Plain language, because terms nobody reads protect nobody.
Zero Stars is a free parody tool. You give it the address of a web page; it fetches that page, measures a fixed list of things about it in code, and has a language model write a comic review on top of those measurements. The score is arithmetic — it comes from the checks, and the model has no vote in it.
A review is commentary on one web page: its wording, its layout, its structure. It quotes that page exactly. It is not a statement about a business, the people behind it, its honesty, or the quality of anything it sells, and the tool is instructed at every turn not to make one. If you read a review as a claim about a company rather than about a page, you have read it wrong.
The jokes are opinion. The quotes are verbatim. Nothing in a review is professional advice of any kind, and it is offered with no warranty — it may be wrong, and pages change under it constantly.
Every review carries a takedown link in its footer. One click, no questions asked, no account needed, and the review is deleted. The same form can block your domain so nothing at that address can be reviewed here again, including its subdomains.
If a review of your site is on the specials board and you did not put it there, use that link — it removes the review and takes it off the board at the same time.
The tool is provided as is. It may be unavailable, may change, and may stop existing. The links at the end of a report point at other businesses that are nothing to do with this one; they are suggestions of where to get work done, not endorsements, and no money changes hands over them.
These terms may change. The date at the top is when they last did.